Practical ways to improve communication
Today’s technical age presents us with a lot of distractions – whether it be satellite television with a million and one channels, smartphones that are now able to talk back or our e-readers, which have the capacity to keep us wrapped up in reading until the end of time. While all of these things can provide us with new information, new conveniences and new ways to communicate, straightforward communication is becoming a casualty amongst all this technology.
No matter how mundane it may seem, our communication skills could use a boost. And we’re not just talking about communicating in the business sense – we’re talking about how well we listen and engage with everyone that we encounter.
Clare Mann, an organizational psychologist and bestselling author, suggests employing the following four mantras when tackling the age-old practice of effective communication. Take a look:
1. Keep Expectations in Check
“Expectations serve to focus our conversations to achieve satisfactory outcomes,” Mann explains. “When working with others to achieve a goal, they are essential. However, internal expectations of others regarding how they should, ought and must act because they are part of a particular social grouping, interfere with our communication, particularly if we don't even realize they exist. Assumptions about different social groups, nationalities, Corporate Warriors in certain blue chip companies or generational groupings must constantly be challenged to preserve the uniqueness of individuals. A good rule of thumb is to question your expectations about any group to which a person might belong and remain open-minded to how the individual you are taking to might different from that stereotype.”
2. Question everything - yourself included
Mann explains that calm communicators have a default button, causing them to question everything. “They question their reactions and opinions on things to minimize blindspots or prejudices that filter,” she says. “When they have strong reactions to what other people say, they examine themselves closely, aware that buttons may have been pushed for them. They don't assume that their strong reactions to things are always because of strong values on a topic; new information may remind them of something or someone to whom they have a strong reaction to in the past. They become aware of their unconscious counter intentions that become apparent through interactions in everyday life and they work to remove them from their lives where they no longer serve them.”
3. Share differences and set up regular times to communicate
Mann says that, if done in an exploratory way, discussing differences, can offer opportunities to share different perspectives and clarify misunderstandings. “If we only wait until differences somehow interfere with achieving an outcome, then the conversation becomes a difficult one where the stakes are high, opinions differ and emotions are raised,” she says. “Making time to discuss differences when each are not pressed to get an outcome right away, allows trust to develop in a relationship. Then when crucial conversations occur in the future, there is credit in the bank, allowing differences to be explored without conflict.”
She employs this tactic when recruiting employees, correlating existing abilities and aptitudes against measures of future performance. She reminds readers, however, that cultural and social norms often only become apparent 'on the job.'
4. Create new shared meanings
Mann uses a loving relationship to exemplify this tactic, explaining that the likelihood of a relationship continuing has a lot to do with the ability of the partners to tolerate differences not apparent in the honeymoon stage. “They still might find their hearts moved by a shared song or mutually enjoyed movie, but for a healthy relationship to develop, each must realize their different identities,” she says. “Likewise in organizations, the cohesiveness of a team depends on the extent to which the members uphold norms that are important to them as a group.”
Generational differences can pose a challenge, she explains. “However, for all teams to work effectively they must develop a sense of 'we,' which requires a leadership style that encourages shared meanings that produce productive results and individual and collective satisfaction.”